When Attending a Funeral 

Could there be anything more difficult than preparing for a funeral? Certainly, such an end-of-life event is hard to look forward to with any great enthusiasm. It doesn't matter if you're a member of the deceased’s family, co-worker, neighbor, or family friend. Preparing can take time and forethought.

If you're going to attend a funeral, memorial service, or celebration of life, the following tips and suggestions can certainly help in your funeral preparations. If you have any questions, we would be more than happy to assist you in any way we can.

Preparing for a Funeral

The death of a loved one is among the most stressful experiences we will endure. The early days of bereavement are when nerves are frayed, emotions run high, and hours of restful sleep are hard to find. These difficult days are then followed by the funeral services where you're often expected to appear at gatherings and socialize with those in attendance despite your grief. Here are some suggestions we believe you'll find valuable.


Maintain a state of "mindful awareness."

The tendency when something bad happens to us, like the death of a loved one, is to detach from our physical, emotional and social selves. This effort to separate ourselves from what's happening isn't always in our best interest. Instead, seek to be "mindful" by keeping your awareness on the present moment and acknowledging your feelings, thoughts, and physical reactions to your loss.


Monitor your physical health.

The list of physical symptoms related to grief is long: fatigue, body aches and pains, loss or change of appetite, shortness of breath, digestive issues, feelings of heaviness, and tightness in your throat or chest. When faced with physical symptoms like these, remember to stay hydrated, eat regularly, rest or keep active as needed, and delegate to give yourself space to process your grief.


Reach out to support networks.

Neighbors, friends, and family members can be a powerful lifeline, and some of them may even seek you out to see how they can help. Don't turn these offers away. Instead, allow people to walk this path with you for as long as, and in whatever ways, they can. The same goes for a network of professional caregivers. Don't neglect to turn to clergy, your family physician, a therapist, or grief counselors if you believe your bereavement to be more than you can handle.


Prepare to listen.

End-of-life ceremonies offer those gathered the chance to share their feelings, tell stories, and take comfort from one another. Don't spend too much time talking, unless it's to contribute something truly meaningful. Instead, be ready to listen with a whole heart. This is a time for respectful interactions with other mourners, focusing on the life of the deceased, and renewing the ties which brought you all together in the first place.

Basic Funeral Etiquette

Also known as social graces, the rules of etiquette ease us through challenging social situations. Most of us know how to behave in common circumstances but unless you've been to a lot of funerals, you may not know the rules of proper behavior in this situation.

What to Wear

Although many believe that formal, black clothing is the right choice for a funeral, wearing a color isn't necessarily seen as disrespectful. That being said, you will want to avoid brightly-colored or wildly-patterned fabrics unless actually requested to do so by the family.

What to Say

No one expects you to say more than a few words, and bereaved family members are often unable to give you their full attention anyway. Keep it short and make it sincere. If you do have time, you might want to share a personal story about a time you shared with the deceased, but watch closely for signs that your audience needs to move on to receive condolences from other funeral guests.

What to Do

If you're unsure about what actions to take when being led by a pastor or celebrant, simply follow along. If you're not comfortable, don't draw attention to your unwillingness to participate. Be discrete and respectful of others, and always silence your cell phone prior to the services.

How to Handle the Visitation

A visitation, or viewing, is a time prior to the funeral where guests are invited to view the casketed body of the deceased. While it is customary to show your respects to the deceased by stepping up to the casket, you may not feel comfortable doing so. That's perfectly alright; no one wants you to be unnerved by the experience, so focus your attention instead on providing comfort to the bereaved family.

After the Funeral

If the deceased is to be buried following the service, the funeral officiant will announce the location of the interment. If the cemetery is not located on the grounds of the funeral home, there will be a processional of cars formed to escort the hearse to the cemetery. Unless they have chosen to have a private burial, those in attendance are welcome to join in the procession however, don't feel obligated to do so. You may simply leave the funeral at that time.

The Funeral Reception

Many families today hold a post-funeral gathering where food and refreshments are served. While this is a time to share memories, laughter, and even tears, your behavior at a funeral reception needs to remain respectful. 

Follow Up with Kindness

If you've not already done so, this is a good time to send the family a sympathy note or card. About a week after the funeral, pick up the phone to check in with them to see if there's anything they need.
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